My 23rd birthday is approaching, and I absolutely can’t believe it. I’ve been here on this earth for [almost] 23 years, and I’ve never felt so alive. I live a wonderful life. I certainly haven’t always felt this way, but - like many other students with a background similar to mine - my life has evolved and unfolded in so many unexpected, beautiful ways since leaving foster care.

I am in my very last semester of undergrad, taking 12 credit hours, working 16 hours a week at my internship, and working 25 hours a week at my part-time job. I love my classes this semester. The beauty of being so close to graduation is that I’m focusing on the classes in my program that apply to my major, which happen to be topics I’m very interested in. I’m continuing to intern at the same shelter and resource center for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault I was placed at last semester, which is providing me with a lot of hands-on experience and insight. Beyond keeping up with classes, work, and my internship, I enjoy spending the little free time I have with people I love. One of my friends recently got engaged and asked me to be her Maid of Honor, which has been a lot of fun! I am surrounded by people I love, who love me back, and am able to pursue things I’m passionate about - like foster care activism. 

I recently spoke to an amazing group of students, some of whom are currently in the foster care system and some who just left it. We talked about pursuing higher education and the resources that can help them do so - the Educational Training Voucher, the Tuition Incentive Program, various scholarships (such as through Foster Care to Success), Fostering Success Michigan, and campus based support programs at numerous Michigan universities. They asked a multitude of great questions, such as when to apply for the FAFSA (my answer: ASAP after the 1st of the year!), how beneficial ETV actually is (extremely so!), and if the life skills classes through campus based support programs are different from independent living (yes - they are more applicable to current life challenges). Then, a hand shot up in the back of the room and a shaky but assertive voice asked me: “How did you survive foster care?”

I was speechless. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized: I survived foster care. I’m on the other side of that experience. So how did I get here? I wish I could tell you. I wish I knew. I wish there was a step-by-step flowchart we could hand out to all youth currently in the system, with happiness, success, and safety as the last step. But there’s not, and I think the process of surviving foster care looks different for everyone. When I was in care, so many people told me that “it will get better” and I didn’t believe them. But today I do, because they were right - it got better. It got so much better and life is better than I could have ever even imagined it would be.

The biggest things that made a difference in my life have been getting and maintaining a job, spending my money and time wisely, surrounding myself with positive influences, applying for scholarships and opportunities, having a mentor, and setting goals for myself. If I could make a flowchart, I think those are the steps that would be on there. Something else that has really helped me is to focus not on the things that have gone wrong in my life, but to focus on what has gone right. I have a list I keep on my bedroom wall that I add to frequently titled “The Best Good Things In Life.” It’s a compilation of my favorite things, feelings, interactions, and experiences. On the list is things like “feeling the sunshine on my shoulders”, “chocolate ice cream”, “hugs from the little boy I babysit”, “drinking tea”, and “Blackened Chicken Salad from Whole Foods”. The best thing about this list is that all of these things can be experienced again. On the tough days, like in this awful dead of winter, I can look at this list and know all of these feelings can be felt again.

Though I am able to recognize the thousands of ways my life has improved since leaving foster care and the numerous “best good things in life”, I don’t want to send the message or paint the picture that getting to this place hasn’t been a challenge or isn’t still challenging at times. I want this blog to be inspiring, empowering, and educational, but I also want it to be real. I can’t tell you how many days I didn’t think I’d get through, or wondered if getting through them was even worth it all. I am reminded nearly every day of some remnant of my past, whether that be a memory (positive or negative) of my parents or my experience in care. It’s still hard sometimes.

One of the most astounding things about us as human beings is that we can do hard things. We don’t necessarily like to, but we can. Every single one of us has lived through an experience and a moment we didn’t think we would. I didn’t think I’d survive foster care. But here I am today, turning 23 years old, living a life that’s better than I could have ever imagined. I am happy, healthy, safe, smiling, and successful. Is it still hard sometimes? Yes. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY.